I'm so middle class

I’m so middle class..

That  I keep the tags intact on my luggage even months after my flight.

That a trip to another city or a country is a major event in my life.

That except my house and my office, there are very places to go.

That I don’t throw away the price tags of branded stuff for days.

That I spend hours on deciding the budget of the gift for anyone’s wedding or birthday.

That I keep the cardboard boxes lying with me just because they are of Adidas or Nike or Sony.

That I don’t have an authorized version of any software.

That I think with my English I can get around anywhere in the world.

That I think I’m intelligent because I’m bilingual or trilingual

That I think my college degree is the biggest advantage for me to rise high in life.

That I think my children’s future depends on how much they score in their 10^th and 12^th std board exams.

That I think parents know whats best for children.

That I think teachers can be role models.

Plastic covers play a big role in my day to day life, from seats of cars to anything remotely expensive.

That I stitch and alter my clothes a million times before throwing them away.

That I instantly convert a price in pounds/euros/dollars to rupees.

That half the dialed calls from my cellphone are missed calls.

That my yearly increment is barely enough to get me an extra month’s groceries but enough to get me to a higher tax bracket.

That I feel guilty when I buy a new garment or a gadget.

That a TV or a computer  lasts as long as furniture in my house.

That vehicles are family heirlooms, passed from parents to children.

That an empty 1.5 litre soft drink bottle serves as my water bottle for a couple of years.

That empty ice cream tubs serve as storage for cooked vegetables for a couple of years.

That I think god is going to be angry with me for drinking liquor  or eating meat on an auspicious day.

That finding ten rupees in the back pocket of a washed pair of trousers makes my day.

That  a three bedroom flat and a sedan is my ultimate goal in life.

That I cannot disregard anything that my parents say.

That my dinner and lunch is at times the lunch and dinner leftovers, respectively.

That I read the restaurant menu from right to left.

That I never order appetizers in a restaurant.

That after a meal, I make sure to take some paper napkins and toothpicks.

That instead of going on a real date, I spend that time watching porn websites.

That I can get sex only via marriage.

That the sorrow of being single is instantly wiped away with the realization that I’m saving a lot money due to this.

That I fancy a starlet thinking that she is and looks as cute as she is in her films/serials.

That my favourite poem is ‘roses are red, violets are blue, vodka is cheaper than dinner for  two’.

That I make sure to have some souvenirs from my hotel room stay.

That I think everyone around the world knows Bollywood and Cricket.

That Kingfisher strong and Royal Stag mean premium liquor for me.

That I think only hard work is the way to riches.

That at a fuel station, the amount of petrol/diesel in my vehicle is not counted in litres but in rupees.

That I think a person’s intellect depends on how well he speaks English and how many degrees he holds.

That when I’m in front of the TV, I think I have all the solutions to all my country’s problems.

That I think that out there is a girl who will love me just for what I am and the way I am.

That I have too much month at the end of my salary.

That a serious illness is all that will take to make me dirt poor.

That I have no idea how to avoid tax.

That looking into my wallet is nothing less than an introspection.

That electricity and telephone bills make me sad.

That I have no means of passing the inflation to someone else.

That a promotion makes me feel like the richest man in the world.

That I think if I respect people, they are obliged to do the same.

That at the end of the month my passbook resembles a sad novel.

That I think that police are there to protect me , courts are there to give me justice and hospitals are there to cure me.

That I think whatever the media tells me is true.

That I still stick to my values inspite of them proving disadvantageous to me.

That I think schools and colleges can instill values and morals in students.

That I’m afraid of the law.

That I’m too dignified to beg, too righteous to steal and too much of a simpleton to make a fortune.

That I cannot be shameless.

That a lot of my decision involve “what will people say?”

That I’m oblivious to the larger picture that there is noone to protect my interests, that everything is already bought and distributed to a very large group, and I’m never going to be in it.

That I think votes win elections and good work wins promotions.

That I think the common man is good. All the fault lies solely with the politicians.

That I think I’m somehow insulated from all the evil happening out there and nothing bad can ever happen to my family.

That I forget that I won’t get what I deserve but only what I negotiate.

That I forget that my child will learn by what I am, not what I teach him.

That I forget how fragile is everything I have strived to build.

That I think if I prevent my child from watching certain channels or read certain books, he/she will not get corrupted.

That I think will is more important than skill.

That I think all I need to do to achieve something is put my heart into it.

That I think honesty is the best policy and that slow and steady wins the race.

That I still think there is some decency left in the society.

That I think my government is mine.

That I believe in live and let live.

That I think being content with what I have is the secret of happy life.

That somehow, even in this hopeless situation, I think life is good.

 

http://theviewspaper.net/middle-class/

Lessons from Films

Chinese don’t have any other hobby except martial arts. Life in ancient and medieval  China was all about fighting with anyone who got in your way and avenging your master who somehow had to get killed for you to achieve greatness.

Life in the old west was about going to saloons, getting drunk, shooting anyone who offended you without any obligations. Half the population was of bounty hunters and the other half of bandits. The remaining were sheriffs, barmen, dandy ladies and old timers.

The purpose of the American school system is the promotion of basketball, American football and cheerleading. Students have hobbies like skateboarding, guitars, dancing. Every male student has to have his crush living next door.

America single handedly won the second world war.

Every scientist is bound to be mad and unleash something bad on the world.

Half of the Russians are spies. The other half are gangsters.

Half of the blacks are gangsters. The other half are saintly wise men.

Half of Japanese population are geniuses. The other half belong to the Yakuza.

Atleast a tenth of the American public works for the CIA/FBI/NSA. All wealthy guys are evil investment bankers. Everyone has a car, regardless of their economic background. All protagonists, male or female are defacto stunt drivers.

A rifle magazine holds enough bullets to decimate a thousand people. Reloading a pistol or a rifle is to be done in rarest of the rare cases.

A bullet to the shoulder and arm is a minor injury.

The hero will not utter a grunt even with the worst stab injury but will wince in pain when the heroine is cleaning his wounds.

The villain’s goons can shoot their year’s supply of bullets but none will hit the hero. A misfired shot from the hero always finds its mark.

Cellphone batteries run out when they are needed the most. Cars wont start when you are desperately escaping killers.

Cars and houses are not meant to be locked.

All criminal plans like planned robberies or hits have to be discussed in a crowded restaurant.

Army sergeants are sadistic psychopaths.

Two policemen who do not get along will always be paired together. A police officer cannot solve any crime unless he is suspended.

Policemen have no other work than escorting the battered villain to jail in the end of the film.

In course of their investigations, the policeman protagonist must make multiple visits to bars and strip clubs.

Court cases involve entertainment and drama. Lawyers cant win their cases unless they theatrically express themselves. The judge is a robot.

Anyone can avoid the death penalty for murder by feigning insanity.

 Forensic science is magic.

Mexico does not have a legitimate business as the economy seems to be running on cocaine and kidnapping. The males are into drug trafficking and women are into chasing gringos.

Aliens are either naked or are dressed in identical outfits. Their planet has one culture and one language. They have a very special interest in attacking America.

Eiffel tower can be seen from anywhere in Paris.

All countries in Africa have a civil war going on. Even walking on the streets can get you killed. Only a bleeding heart white man or woman can make a difference in this situation.

Journalists are heroes. Editors are villains.

Inspectors are heroes. Commissioners are either dumb or villains.

In mythological films, we come to know that the asuras/rakshasas spent half of their time laughing loudly.

Army officers have no other recreation other than getting drunk at parties.

Chloroform causes instant unconsciousness.

Dogs bark at bad people.

Snakes are easily picked up and thrown away by the protagonist after they have stung everyone else to death.

Busy streets are the best place to dance. When you start dancing on the streets, everyone else joins you as they already know the dance steps.

In Bollywood, all the protagonists can start singing anywhere because they have great voices.

In Bollywood, death row doesn’t last beyond two weeks to one month. Anyone who is sentenced to hang is to be hung asap.

 Colleges in India are meant for promotion of canteens and binge drinking parties. The preoccupation of every college student is chasing girls. A male college student must carry two books. If he carries one, he may look like a ruffian and if he carries more than two, he may end up looking like a nerd, a character reserved for the comedian. The girl must be naïve and hot. Or arrogant and hot. But she must be hot and somehow fall in love with the unemployed good for nothing hero.

If someone falls down when chased by the murderer, they somehow cant get up in order to be killed by the murderer.

The poorest of the poor protagonist has to romance his ladylove in Switzerland.

The most important thing is finding your soulmate to get married. Trivial issues like earning a living don’t matter.

Temple priests (pujaris) are decadent and dishonest. Imams and Padres are pious.

Everyone from America visiting India sees nothing but the Taj Mahal.

Inspite of banks, loans somehow have to be taken from moneylenders and gangsters.

There comes a time for every doctor to proclaim “He needs prayers more than medicines now”.

The protagonist’s mother, sister and brother will have the rarest blood group like O-ve, something which is unknown to the protagonist till the time they meet some mishap. The hospital wont stock that blood group, because after all, its rare.

If you drive a car or ride a bike with a worried state of mind or after fighting with your family, you will have an accident.

A rape victim has to kill herself to fire the protagonist for avenging her.

Fires always lead to explosions. All houses and godowns are highly inflammable. One matchstick or a burning cloth is enough.

100% of computer hackers are on the wrong side of the law. It is child’s play to hack into bank accounts and websites of security agencies.

Ghosts kill young women in the shower. Young men taking a shower are left alone.

In a horror film, blood always falls from the shower when the female protagonist is under it.

Serial killers who stab their victims always use a chef’s knife.

For escaping a pursuing killer, always run upstairs.

James Bond somehow has developed a technique of not letting his victims bleed when he shoots them. He fights best when dressed in tuxedos.

All vampires are defacto Christians as they are terrified of the crucifixes.

When left alone in a big house, young women undress instantly.

In Indian prisons, people fight mostly over who will be the first in the queue for the food.

Bad guys smoke cigars and pipes. Good guys smoke cigarettes.

Anyone who speaks Urdu is somehow a cultured person. Anyone who speaks pure Hindi is a buffoon.

Whisky looks like black tea. And its to be drunk straight from the bottle at one go for optimum results. Only men are alcoholics.

Anyone alone in the car is either bound to die, get kidnapped or get chased by another car.

Any accomplished skill from martial arts to music can be acquired in a matter of few days or months.

Rich people have all the time in the world to throw lavish parties and going on yacht cruises.

Office work involves nothing but presentations and more presentations. Everyone has to be dressed in a coat and a tie.

Life in Indian villages is a paradise. The people except one or two are epitomes of goodness. Fetching water from the well involves pretty women in colourful clothes gyrating to music and tilling and harvesting is a great recreational activity.

City folk are bad. Village folk are good. Businessmen are evil. Salaried guys are good. Rich people are bad. Poor people are good.

All  vehicles explode when someone shoots them or when they crash into buildings.

One can survive bomb blast by leaping through the window just as the bomb explodes.

Time bombs have an attached digital clock so that the diffuser can plan his schedule. There are always two wires to cut, and in the end, whichever wire is cut diffuses the bomb.

Love conquers everything from bad financial conditions to the corrupt system. The most powerful thing in the world is love between two people who look attractive on the screen. Love which starts in the college, endures the longest.

The protagonist, who has not hit anyone seriously in his life can take down the most vicious of hitmen .

Most important, all villains are stupid. They can be foxed by the dumbest kid. And when they finally have the hero  in their grasp, instead of shooting him right away they start speaking big dialogues which gives  the hero enough time for finding a way of killing the villain.

Last but not the least, the director is a wise guy and the viewer is an idiot.

 http://theviewspaper.net/what-do-we-learn-from-films/

Education with Ads

Dark skinned women do not have a right to a dignified life. They should not even think of rising high in life.

Women with pimples should not show their face in public.

Men and women have different skins, so the same cream may not work on them.

Using the right skin cream and petroleum jelly makes you sexier.

Instant noodles are the best source of nutrition. Mummy knows that too.

Welcome guests not with flowers, but with cancerous pan masala. 

Put some  pan masala or khaini in your mouth and the whole world will be at your feet.

Chocolates bars cause temporary amnesia. You cant eat chocolate without smearing it all over your face.

Highways are always empty any given time of the day so that you can drive anyway at will.

Without health drinks, your children will grow up as cripples.

Fruit juice is better than the actual fruit.

One teaspoon of detergent yields half a bucket of foam.

Safe sex is more important than morality.

Deodorants for men  are aphrodisiacs for women. The right kind of perfume makes you the cynosure of all eyes and professionally successful.

Mountain Dew makes you fearless.

Toothpastes must have salt and must lather more. Your brand of toothpaste is vital for your popularity among girls and social standing.

Wear the right undergarments and you will be a superstar. Don’t wear a shirt, then you don’t need any voter id or even standing in a queue. Your combat abilities are enhanced as well. Sometimes, your very manlihood depends on it.

Drinking a particular brand of tea makes you wake up to the realities and fight corruption.

Doctors wear their aprons and stethoscopes even when they are home . And they have their own favourites among toothpastes, toothbrushes, health drinks, antiseptic s, soaps, creams.

Women are intelligent and are put on earth to hammer some sense into men who are dumb.

Mothers in adverstising look the best, they don’t look a year over 25, have all the wisdom in the world and tell their kids how they must use a particular product which happens to be the right for them.

The best way to make your mother laugh is to arrive from school covered in mud. She will smilingly tell you how stains are good by washing them away with her preferred detergent.

Cough drops are magic. You swallow one and your cough vanishes, leaving you free to sing, dance or climb the world tallest mountains.

The insurance agent cares more for you than your parents, wife and children combined.

A microbe, be it of any kind, looks like a wriggling worm.

When you wipe your living room with cleaner or brush your teeth, you kill not less than 99.99% of germs that may be in there.

A razor or shaving cream or after shave is no good if  a woman doesn’t run her fingertips on your face after you shave.

A certain brand of cornflakes can get your wife to have a ballerina like figure. It can also make your kids smarter cause you know, its got iron in it.

The effectiveness of a bathing soap has to be demonstrated by a young woman in the bathtub covered with foam.

Girls having their periods wear white, are always happy and skip rope just because they use an oblong shaped sanitary pad.

Mango flavoured drinks can give orgasms.

Sportsmen perform better in the field on drinking their favourite brand of cola.

Glucose biscuits make your kids bright.

Girls idea of fun is riding all day on their scooterettes and dancing at midnight with old men.

Inverters don’t need any electricity to charge.

Using a particular brand of paint for your house makes you the smartest person around.

Your 125cc bike makes you an object of envy even for people who drive BMWs.

You can enhance your personality favourably by certain brands of cola. 

If you don’t clean your toilet regularly with the recommended cleaner, a pesky guy with cameras in tow will burst into your house and show the audience what your toilet looks like exactly at their dinnertime.

A shampoo contains more components than your college lab, even if it is “natural”. Be sure not be a social outcaste by having dandruff.

Burgers look twice as big in ads than in reality. But you must take your children to burger joints if you want to prove that you are a responsible parent.

Whether a student’s exam goes well or not depends on the kind of pen he uses to write them.

For your coffee to work for you, you must drink the recommended brand daintily like the star who is endorsing it.

Using a certain sim card can change your life. 

Bubble gum can make your kids into adventurers.

Chewing gum can whiten your teeth.

You cannot be a complete man or someone important unless you wear a crafted suit.

Processed food like soup mix can make mummy a hit with her kids. Conventional cooking sucks.

Without an adhesive bandage, wounds can turn gangrenous.

Never drink plain milk. Be sure to have it with health drinks, cornflakes or biscuits.

And the most important-you need a hot woman to sell anything from houseloans, cars, pizzas, soft drinks, razors, shaving gels, refrigerators, TVs etc etc etc.

Your self respect and stature depends on what brands you use.

Instant gratification through frivolous means is the ultimate aim in life.

The biggest lesson I have learnt from ads is that I need to change the channels as they appear.

 http://theviewspaper.net/educations-with-ads/

Whats so special?

Much has been made of demanding a special status for Bihar by the current CM Nitish Kumar, where he hints that he will align with any party for the forthcoming elections in 2014 that gives it to his state. But the migration of Biharis to other parts of India has reached such scary proportions that actually the states to where Biharis migrate would need a special status not long from now.

Bihari migrants, along with their Uttar Pradesh counterparts, have faced a lot of hostility, among others ,in Assam , Punjab ,Maharashtra, Bengal , Andhra Pradesh and Tamil Nadu , the most  horrific of them are the numerous incidents of massacre of Bihari labourers by ULFA or by the Khalistani militants during Punjab insurgency. But the other instances are for largely valid reasons, the chief among them being utter disregard (and at times , contempt) by the migrants for the culture and language of the states they have migrated to, the utter lack of will or desire to assimilate, the pressure put on civic amenities due to uncontrolled migration (most acutely seen in Mumbai and Delhi), the frequency of the migrants to fall in the ways of crime (The bulk of Dawood gang footsoldiers were recruited from UP for one example) and so on.

The attacks of Uttar Pradesh of Bihari migrants by the likes of Shiv Sena and MNS are quickly dubbed by the media as “attacks on north Indians”, conveniently forgetting that its not all north Indians who are facing the ire. Rajasthanis and Punjabis are spread across the country as well. Why don’t they face similar kind of anger? Because they assimilate and respect the culture of their adopted states. That’s one fact the media conveniently chooses to ignore (It also forgets that Biharis cannot be called as north Indians as Bihar is in the east of the country).

Before crying foul, the self righteous bleeding hearts and every denizen of Bihar and UP must ask and try to answer honestly the following:-

Why are these two  politically significant states  developmentally so insignificant in comparison? How long will they continue to be referred to as bimaru (sick) or cow belt regions?

Why is it that inspite of having nearly one fourth of the country’s population, the contribution of Uttar Pradesh or Bihar to India’s progress has been miniscule in comparison to the magnitude of human capital available in there?

 Why is it that inspite of a combined total of 112 out of the 545 seats in Lok Sabha, both these states are abysmal in every aspect of human development index? Take anything, right from law and order to infrastructure and there is nothing hopeful which can be seen in them.

Why is it repeated all the time that “any citizen has a right to work anywhere in the country” but it is never stressed that it is the moral responsibility of those in power to create ample opportunities for all citizens to find meaningful means of living in their own city, district or state?

Bihar produces the most number of civil servants in the country. No wonder it is in such a bad shape. Uttar Pradesh, which is not very far from the number is no better. But why have these two states since independence not produced  a single leader or technocrat who can create jobs, spur development and bring the populace out of misery?

Cant these two states produce one political figure who is not a criminal? Why is every other politician from there nothing more than a caste leader or a warlord like figure whose only capability lies in the number of armed people and sycophants he has at his command? (Of course it is not restricted to he) Why cant the people who proudly vote for them as their “biradari waala” or “hamaara neta” once pause to think that can their idol ever due anything fruitful for them in the long run? There is no right, left or centre in Indian politics. There is only caste. But this problem is  most chronic in these two states.

Why cant someone in the media have the guts to say that vote bank castist politics have calculatedly driven out the majority of the middle class out of Bihar? How long must the college graduates and labourers go halfway across India for even getting the most simplest of employment and labour, respectively? Don’t they have a right to have a right of dignified life in their native place?

Have the people and leaders of UP and Bihar sworn that they will live a much more miserable life than rest of India? A developed India is simply impossible without a developed UP and Bihar.How long will they continue to be a deadweight that sinks everyone down? How long will they continue voting shameless opportunists to power who hold the country to ransom on the flimsiest of issues and can swing any way, depending on who pays them the most?

Instead of getting angry at MNS , why cant the people of UP and Bihar ever question themselves that for how long will they have the attitude of being stuck behind and dragging the whole country down with them  for their caste based politics and sheer inability to progress?

As for the special status, what has it done for any state that has got them? Hand outs never help anyone, they only create a juvenile sense of entitlement, something which, thanks to the socialist policies has become frightfully abundant in the country.Uttar Pradesh and Bihar have got enough spent on them over the years, and where has all this money gone? Down the drain or into the pockets of robbers and bandits who have been elected to represent the people, thereby leaving the majority of the area as a squalid wasteland and forcing the denizens of UP and Bihar to migrate even to seek meaningful menial employment elsewhere.How long will they be continued to be labelled as Bhaiyyas and nothing else?

Mr Nitish Kumar, special status wont get you anything but a few alms and few more decades of misery. Inspire people to become special instead. That’s the only way out.

Is it too much to ask for?

http://theviewspaper.net/whats-so-special/

Awarding excellence or encouraging promotion?

The 85^th Academy awards again proved what the 84 ceremonies before it had proven in some or a large amount:- Its not always the best that get awarded, but the best lobbied. And this is unlikely to change in the near future.

Although back in India where film awards are a joke that are sponsored by film magazines that are a bigger joke, the Oscars might seem a whole new level altogether, but the fact remains that each ceremony makes you question the jury that awards them.

Positive things first.Seth MacFarlane. Yes, the loud mouthed host comedian who spared no corner unturned in ridiculing Hollywood and exposing the hypocrisy which always gets passed off as style. Or his ode to female nudity onscreen, We saw your b**s. Though it might have got the bleeding hearts enraged, he merely sung humourously what actress had exposed her assets in what film, a choice she had consciously made when she signed for the role. Many actresses and actors in their struggling days resort to acting in raunchy films or videos and then try to have them swept under the carpet when they find success. If this kind of double standards can be accepted then its surprising why Seth is attacked for singing the history of assets display onscreen. It was great to see a host unbound by any censored straightjacket.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EeR8n3YrxTE

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NTKEDXNQAcc

Then there was Daniel Day Lewis, arguably the finest actor of his generation and certainly the best method actor ever , receiving his record third Oscar for best actor for his superb portrayal of Abraham Lincoln in Lincoln. His humble and refreshing acceptance speech should be a lesson for upstart starlets who have taken narcissism to their very DNA.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O051uz239FU

But then, not everything is just in the Oscars.

Starting with the snubs. Appalling is the word to describe how Paul Thomas Anderson and Ben Affleck were not nominated for best director, for The Master and Argo, respectively. Similar is the exclusion of The Master from best picture category(while a typical not so novel romantic comedy like Silver Linings Playbook was nominated heavily) ,maybe not to ruffle the feathers of the scientologists.Such behavior is not new with the Oscars, which did not even nominate Jack Nicolson for his role as Frank Costello in The Departed or Lee Emery’s role of Sgt Hartman in Full Metal Jacket for Supporting Actor nor they  deemed necessary to award the works of people like Stanley Kubrick, Sidney Lumet, Satyajit Ray, Alfred Hitchcock or Steve McQueen . This is the Academy which couldn’t find any worthiness in Robert De Niro’s Travis Bickle in Taxi Driver,  nor in the numerous great roles of Paul Newman and Peter O’Toole in more than three decades,  made the great Martin Scorsese wait for more than thirty years, rejecting his directing efforts in Raging Bull for Ordinary People,  Goodfellas for Dances with Wolves. When he finally won best director for The Departed, he sarcastically asked for the envelope to be checked again.

Now the wins, starting from the Best Director, painfully given to Ang Lee for Life of Pi, over the much superior work of Steven Spielberg and Michael Haneke for Lincoln and Amour, respectively. Life of Pi, minus its great visual effects, has very little left. It reduced Hinduism to an exotic belief and portrayed Indians speaking nothing more than an irritating accent of English. Ang Lee did not do enough research to rectify Yan Martel’s biggest mistake- Patel is not a Tamil surname. But then, this is the Academy which honoured that abominable insult of India called Slumdog Millionaire not very long ago. And winning the best visual effects for Life of Pi did not save the vfx studio Rhythm & Hues involved in it from bankruptcy. When Bill Westenhofer, one of the winners for the visual effects team brought out their plight in his acceptance speech, his voice was drowned by increasing the background music and the microphone was shut down. This is compassion, Hollywood style.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wC1Dh_6AYcw

In best actress category, it will be honest to say that Emanuelle Riva was robbed off her award. Yes, Jennifer Lawrence is the best young talent in Hollywood today, but she was nowhere in comparison to Riva in Amour and was clearly overshadowed by Robert De Niro and Bradley Cooper in Silver Linings Playbook, a film, which certainly did not deserve so many nominations because it is not very different from the numerous rom coms that have been churned out by the tons. This Academy Awards saw the return of big studios and the lobbying for this film is one of the biggest example. Amour was a very serious, more realistic look at old age and the resulting invalidity. But then, love between people who look good for the camera will always be promoted more than the faithful love of decades that has stood the test of time. Hence the end result.

In supporting cast category, Anne Hathaway won over much better performances, namely from Amy Adams in The Master and  Sally Field in Lincoln. Christoph Waltz was great as King Schultz, but certainly no greater than Tommy Lee Jones’s Thaddeus Stevens or Philip Seymour Hoffman’s Lancaster Dodd.Neither was Django’s original screenplay better than that of Flight. But this is a world where Shakespeare in Love beats Saving Private Ryan and Robert Benigni (Life is Beautiful)beats Edward Norton (American History X) and Chicago beats The Pianist.

But the real show was the surprise appearance of First Lady Michelle Obama to award Argo the best picture. A film about rescuing American citizens from Iran of 1979 getting its Oscar announced by the US first lady. Clearly, nothing political about it.

Looking at the trends of the Oscars over the years, there are a few set patterns that can result in Oscar wins:-

Playing a historical character,may it be a popular or a controversial figure

Pretty ladies becoming ugly and unsightly for the role

Playing a mentally or physically disabled person

A holocaust film.

Playing a role totally opposed to one’s image.

When everything fails, play a gay character. Works all the time.

What does the Academy do when there are not very great performances in a particular year? Easy. Award it to a fair performance of  some old actor,whos better work  nominated several times earlier and always overlooked (Paul Newman in Colour of Money, Jeff Bridges in Crazy Heart). Sometimes, even that isn’t necessary (Sandra Bullock in The Blind Side).

Such are the dubious ways of the glam world. But we will still tune into next years awards and the next to next years as well, cause, there aint no business like show business.

  

 http://theviewspaper.net/awarding-excellence-or-encouraging-promotion/

Wrestled Out

The 15 member committee of the IOC has made the shocking decision to do away with wrestling in the 2020 Buenos Aires Olympics. A ridiculous decision by any parameter, it has rightly sent shock waves in the sporting world and beyond, as wrestling is the foremost sport for building strength and athletic prowess.

The reason given by the IOC committee members is that wrestling is “losing its popularity” and does not fit into “modern” times.

Not popular? Every village in every country across Caucasus and Asia celebrates its wrestlers as the symbol of the village’s virility and fortitude. It is popular in the west as well, remaining the fourth or fifth most participated sport in United States, right from school and university level (Until World War II, the one sport practiced more than any other by men who would become president of the United States including George Washington, Andrew Jackson, Abraham Lincoln, Ulysses S. Grant, Zachary Taylor, William Taft, Theodore Roosevelt and Calvin Coolidge was wrestling).

It would appear to be so if one looks at it from the urban popular media’s point of view. It is a view which most of the concepts are severely distorted like beauty (associated with robot faced skeletal figures that walk the ramp or makeup caked artificial plastic dolls who think they are acting on screen ), music (associated with sound mixing and cacophonic voices made tolerable by studio editing), intellect (associated with anyone who has a degree from a foreign university and who excels in emoting blooming nonsense in flowery English), development (associated with mushrooming of  tall buildings, malls and five star hotels everywhere which end up depleting resources and whose construction is a convenient way for money laundering). Wrestling too has not been spared, as the word wrestling for any urban youngster today brings to the mind not the genuine clash of strength on red soil or on a gymnasium mat, but  the sickening farce called WWE wrestle mania, which has the audacity of calling itself “free style wrestling”, where steroid pumped hunks cannot “fight” without bikini clad babes around them. Not surprisingly then, that most wrestlers come from places where TRPs or glamour don’t matter at all.

Olympics were first held in 776 BC in Olympia (hence the name), and became a quadrennial event from thereon, honouring Zeus. It was adopted by the Romans when they won the Greeks, but they were discontinued in 394 AD by the now Christian Roman Empire (by Theodosius I). It wouldn’t be revived for nearly fifteen centuries till the IOC under Baron Pierre de Coubertin revived it in 1896. The modern Olympic games revived the ancient tradition by adopting the main events of the ancient games viz wrestling, running, discus throw, javelin throw, boxing . The rest of the sports invented in those fifteen centuries came next. Wrestling always was the most celebrated sport of ancient Olympics and it is an imperative part of the modern games as well. Any attempt to tamper with it will mutilate the identity of Olympics, whose motto says Citius, Altius , Fortius (Faster, Higher, Stronger). What sport could represent fortius more than wrestling? Any fighter in the immensely popular MMA (Mixed Martial Arts) is primarily a wrestler. Wrestling goes way beyond sports and has been the primary combat training technique for soldiers since time immemorial. The very concept of self defence is incomplete without it. Removing it would take  “stronger” out of the Olympics .

It’s an illogical scenario where pansy stuff like handball and waterpolo find a place in Olympics but wrestling is threatened. The committee is mulling to reintroduce things like golf in its place .Well, dear IOC, why just stop at introducing golf? Introduce Hopscotch, Tag you’re it, Hide & Seek, Musical Chairs, kite flying as well. Once upon a time, even croquet and lacrosse were introduced, isn’t it?

As for not being modern, it is understandable that manliness is seen as something regressive and is  spat upon in every conceivable way by the feminist dominated media with its femme fatale avengers who in the name of political correctness somehow have to bring down every man they come across. But exclude manliness from sport and you will see a strapping youth turn into a crippled hunchback in an instant.  And Wrestling as a sport is crippled in this world of razzle dazzle, because it simply does not have a governing body like FIFA, UEFA, ICC, NBA or ATP to do its bidding.

It is therefore left to the countries where wrestling is a rich tradition (India, Iran, Russia, Central Asian Republics, Cuba etc) to spare no efforts lobbying and pressurizing the IOC to reverse this uncalled for decision of theirs. If China and South Korea can have Badminton and Table Tennis included from 1988 onwards to boost their medal tally, there should be no reason why this collective effort shouldn’t be successful.

 http://theviewspaper.net/wrestled-out/

The Master review

The Master (2012)

Cast:  Joaquin Phoenix, Philip Seymour Hoffman, Amy Adams

Director/Writer : Paul Thomas Anderson

Freddie Quell  (Joaquin Phoenix) is a sex obsessed alcoholic World War II veteran suffering from post traumatic stress disorder , struggling to fit into the post war society.He becomes a drifter, the only certain talent he has is of brewing liquor with anything that comes handy.

One night in 1950, he stumbles drunk on a private yacht hosting a party. It belongs to Lancaster Dodd (Philip Seymour Hoffman) a self styled “Master” of a cult called “The Cause”. Dodd takes a liking to Freddie’s liquor and allows him to stay if he keeps making more. He subjects Freddie to a psychological exercise about his past (His  father died of alcoholism, his mother is institutionalized and  he has abandoned the love of his life, Doris, who he hasn’t seen in seven years) Freddie is enthralled by Dodd, who is very firm on his abject beliefs and revelations regarding reincarnation and the subconscious. Dodd too takes a liking to Freddie, calling him his protégé and his guinea pig. Freddie travels along the east coast  with Dodd and his family ,which also includes Dodd’s new pregnant wife Peggy (Amy Adams) , daughter Elizabeth and  son Val as well as his son in law. Dodd is invited to the houses of many affluent women who have been attracted to the Cause, where he gives talks aiming to win more followers. Freddie’s alcoholism and unpredictable behavior have not subsided( going as far as beating up people questioning  the Cause’s methods and authenticity)making other members of the Cause feel that he does not belong there. Freddie’s drinking continues inspite of him promising  that he will quit.

 Val confides to Freddie that he thinks that his father is a fraud who just makes things as he goes along, causing Freddie to berate him. Dodd is arrested for practicing medicine without license. Freddie attacks the policemen who have come to arrest Dodd and gets jailed as well. In jail, Freddie goes beserk calling Dodd a fraud and questioning everything he has stood for. Both men trade insults and stop only when Dodd reminds that he is the only one who cares about him.

After their release, Peggy and the rest of the followers become more vocal for expelling Freddie, branding him as a threat and a spy but Dodd declines stating that the purpose of the movement will be defeated if they expel him. It become subtly clear that Dodd  is merely using Freddie as a test subject , to prove that if his methods can cure a hopeless case like him, they can cure any one. He aims to break Freddie’s disturbed self down and rebuild him in the Cause’s image.

Freddie is subjected to repetitive and grueling tests for long periods which make him agitated due to their lack of results but Dodd declares him successful. Freddie has started becoming disillusioned of the Cause. Dodd’s fraud is revealed to the viewer as he loses his temper with a follower (Laura Dern)  when she states as per his latest book, he is actually causing his test subjects to “imagine” their past lives instead of “experiencing” them.

During one of the exercises of the Cause in a desert, Freddie abandons them , deciding to leave the Cause forever. He visits Doris’s house , hoping to get things going again but is told that she is married and  has a family of her own. Freddie is disappointed but happy for Doris.

One night , Freddie has a vision of Dodd calling him. Taking this dream literally, he travels to meet Dodd, where he discovers  Val, inspite of his disbelief in his father’s philosophy, is still with him but Elizabeth has been expelled. Peggy tells Freddie that he either has to improve or leave, as he might become the undoing of the Cause itself. Dodd sadly realizes that his wife is right and tells Freddie that he has to find his own path in the world. He gives Freddie an ultimatum that he can either stay and devote his life to the Cause or leave never to return. Freddie chooses to leave, once and for all. The closing scenes of the film show him with a woman he met in a pub, remembering his happy days in the Navy. His fate is left ambiguous.

Rootless , directionless, futureless are small words to describe the Freddie Quell , played beautifully by Joaquin Phoenix . This is a person beyond redemption, a sad shadow of his former self , or whom both his clothes and the skin that he lives in are ill fitting, whose speech is half incoherent and half irrelevant. This is a physically demanding role for which he had to lose weight considerably , to show an emaciated  person  blowing in the wind, whom alcohol is drinking up, rather than the other way round, who reluctantly accepts in the end that his savior is anything but his saviour. He is a sad character and remains so, albeit wiser in the end.

Philip Seymour Hoffman is that kind of actor who even in a cameo appearance can steal the show from the film’s lead characters. Here, he is no different , playing the titular role of the film and its He brilliantly portrays Lancaster Dodd who is a charmer and at the same time, a charlatan, who even when proven wrong, staunchly promotes the snake oil he sells as an elixir. This is certainly his most memorable role since Capote (2005) and Before the Devil knows you are dead(2007), and he leaves no stone unturned to show a cold and a cunning person who while appearing to be magnanimous to Freddie, is merely using him as a lab animal for his experiments.

Amy Adams is very effective as Peggy, Dodd’s dedicated wife and an equally driven follower of the Cause who goads her husband to keep answering bricks thrown at him with stones and who at times is coldly manipulative. Inspite of hardly getting a chance to shine equally with these two stalwarts, she is never pushed to the background.

Paul Thomas Anderson returns after nearly five years after his masterpiece There Will be Blood (2007) and this wait has been more than worth it. He is one of those directors who never makes films for entertainment but for cinematic experience, thus making him both the critics dream and a nightmare. The two characters Lancaster Dodd and Freddie  Quell appear as different as chalk and cheese, but deep down, both are in their own worlds, obsessed by their own products- Freddie by his liquor and Dodd by his abject and vague philosophy. In the end its Freddie who is proven wiser and braver than Dodd, because he chooses to leave something which has just made him a toy in someone else’s hands He abandons a comfortable existence for a person like him for a scary and uncertain future, ending up right where he was at the start of the story. Dodd remains a toy in the hands of his own convictions.

Most importantly the film asks the viewer- Who is the Master that you serve? Your Lord? Your convictions? Your conscience? And can you identify the right master to serve?

The film became controversial due to the Cause being very similar to Scientology, with the character Dodd resembling the appearance of its founder L .Ron Hubbard (He founded scientology in the year, you guessed it, 1950). Many scientologists objected this film, the most famous among them ,Tom Cruise. But Anderson released the film without a single cut. Just compare that with the pig circus which went with Vishwaroopam’s release and we understand that we have a long way to go before becoming a free society.

If you like good cinema and not just feel good cinema, you cannot give this a miss. Feel good cinema doesn’t stay with you. Films like these never leave you.