Our
culture's unique outlook allows a person to discover and depict the
divine in his/her own way as it holds that god is but the reality that
surrounds us all and one can have n number of manifestations of it. One
has to discover one’s god within oneself instead of imagining it as a
super cosmic, scary entity and separating it from its creation
altogether which leads to a very material and utilitarian view of life.
So it also encourages to see god in every person or living thing around
oneself, in one’s elders like teachers and also one’s parents.
Our
culture has always placed parents on a high pedestal (maatr devo bhava,
pitr devo bhava – mother is god, father is god), primarily because they
are the ones who are the reason for everything to do with us, right
from being the reason of us coming into the world to the person we will
be eventually. Being compared to the divine is our culture’s way of
showing gratitude to the wonderful being that is the parent, but many a
times, this can be hard on both the offspring and the parent.
Children
believe that their parents are perfect, flawless beings who can do no
wrong. Boys want a girl just like their mother, girls want a man who is
like their father. It is ingrained into them that come what may, their
parents can never be wrong or do wrong. To contradict them or to even
think that they can be wrong is a sin because afterall, they are “gods”,
and the children have to be forever indebted to them for the very
reason that the mother has bore them in her womb and the father has put
his very existence in supporting them. They have to obey every command
of their parents and follow them unquestioningly. The children on their
part are shattered when they discover that their idols are the very
same lowly common folk which they see and loathe all the time. In case
the parent in question does something which is unacceptable in a
civilized society or which is a criminal act, it can make them lose
faith in themselves and even the humanity.
In
all this crowd of pious platitudes and moral self righteousness, what
really needs to be explained to the children is that parents too, like
everyone else are human beings and they are not immune to the
temptations and weaknesses, just like other people. What needs to be
underlined to them here is that nothing in the world is perfect, least
of all human beings, and mostly it is the imperfection which makes us
unique and beautiful in a way. Just like the parents have accepted them
the way they are, the children too need to realize that they must accept
the parents with all their faults. After all, may it be any parent, he
or she has the same limitations which any other human has. Deification
of a parent has the unhealthy effect of the child having unrealistic
expectations from them which leads to a grudge when most of them are not
met, may it be not being able to afford something for them which the
parents of their peers are able to easily (XYZ’s dad has brought him a
bike, why can’t you?) or not being able to bring them up
in a way which they think is right when they reach adulthood (Why did
you make me opt for this stream? Why couldn’t you afford to put me in so
or so college/institution?) . Children have to understand that parents
don’t owe them luxuries nor are they there to cater to their whims or
fancies, and they certainly don’t owe them a living as a lot of them are
delusional enough to believe (My didn’t help me set up, he didn’t put a
word to his contacts to help me get started).
Parents
on their part, need to realize that children are not their second
chance in life and that one can’t have a “made to order” or a “custom
made” offspring (Maybe sometime in our already scary looking future, but
not today). They are not display articles, which have to be shown
around in social events (You know, he scored 90% in so and so exam, he’s
got an admission in xxx or he’s a xxx in xxx company). They aren’t some
factory made material that have to be standardized and compared to
others (XYZ has scored so many marks in his exams. He also is in his
school’s debating team. Why can’t you do the same?). They aren’t hired
workers who have to be chided for underperformance for what has been
spent on them (we have got you everything you need and what you want.
Why can’t you score more marks than XYZ or have dreams of becoming an
engineer like WXY? How can you think of becoming a musician when it is
our dream that you become a doctor?). Parents must understand that their
children did not ask them to help them come into this world. It is
them, who have for their own will and liking brought them into this
world and from the moment that the children open their eyes, it is their
duty to put their whole and soul in nurturing them and making a
worthwhile person out of them,(just like it is the children’s duty to be
grateful and being good to their parents). It is a thankless and the
most pious work in the world, and no one forced them to do it but they
themselves have set forth to do it, and must face the consequences, good
or bad, with a humble heart.
The
concept of maatr devo bhava, pitr devo bhava seems like an outdated
bookish adage in an increasingly materialistic society where parents
treat their children as their meal ticket/second chance in life/
controlled machine cum display piece which can be bragged about and
children treat their parents as nothing more than an ATM machine. People
who blame the young generation for being useless and depraved forget
that who raised them in the first place. When the adults have made the
world full of greed, lust and perversion, it is nothing but hypocrisy
and delusion to expect goodness from the children who, from the moment
of stepping out of the house are embraced by the decadence which their
parents’ generation has helped create and thrived in.
How
can one relate the parents to the divine who ingrain their own
pettiness in their children, bring them up with a display mindset and
materialistic attitude, don’t buy them any book but fill the house with
tabloids, who themselves see nothing other than cheap television shows
and third rate films, who squabble all day in front of their children on
the flimsiest of issues, who have but empty and inflated words to say
in case of moral education but no action to follow it and most important
who bring up children to become adults who feel at comfort in
continuing the same ways that are the bane of the society today?
One
does not need to deify their parents in order to love or respect them.
All is needed is to accept that parents and children are god’s gift to
each other, the former who are great inspite of their blemishes and
imperfections and being grateful for the efforts that they put to the
best of their limited abilities in raising their children and the latter
because of the unique beauty in each one of them. If there is any
complaint that the children have towards the parents from it should be
rectified not by lamentations but trying to do a better job when they
assume the role of parents when their time comes.
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