Dark skinned women do not have a
right to a dignified life. They should not even think of rising high in life.
Women with pimples should not
show their face in public.
Men and women have different
skins, so the same cream may not work on them.
Using the right skin cream and petroleum
jelly makes you sexier.
Instant noodles are the best
source of nutrition. Mummy knows that too.
Welcome guests not with flowers,
but with cancerous pan masala.
Put some pan masala or khaini in your mouth and the
whole world will be at your feet.
Chocolates bars cause
temporary amnesia. You cant eat chocolate without smearing it all over your
face.
Highways are always empty any
given time of the day so that you can drive anyway at will.
Without health drinks, your
children will grow up as cripples.
Fruit juice is better than the
actual fruit.
One teaspoon of detergent yields
half a bucket of foam.
Safe sex is more important than
morality.
Deodorants for men are aphrodisiacs for women. The right kind of
perfume makes you the cynosure of all eyes and professionally successful.
Mountain Dew makes you fearless.
Toothpastes must have salt and must
lather more. Your brand of toothpaste is vital for your popularity among girls
and social standing.
Wear the right undergarments and
you will be a superstar. Don’t wear a shirt, then you don’t need any voter id
or even standing in a queue. Your combat abilities are enhanced as well. Sometimes,
your very manlihood depends on it.
Drinking a particular brand of
tea makes you wake up to the realities and fight corruption.
Doctors wear their aprons and
stethoscopes even when they are home . And they have their own favourites among
toothpastes, toothbrushes, health drinks, antiseptic s, soaps, creams.
Women are intelligent and are put
on earth to hammer some sense into men who are dumb.
Mothers in adverstising look the
best, they don’t look a year over 25, have all the wisdom in the world and tell
their kids how they must use a particular product which happens to be the right
for them.
The best way to make your mother
laugh is to arrive from school covered in mud. She will smilingly tell you how
stains are good by washing them away with her preferred detergent.
Cough drops are magic. You
swallow one and your cough vanishes, leaving you free to sing, dance or climb
the world tallest mountains.
The insurance agent cares more
for you than your parents, wife and children combined.
A microbe, be it of any kind,
looks like a wriggling worm.
When you wipe your living room
with cleaner or brush your teeth, you kill not less than 99.99% of germs that
may be in there.
A razor or shaving cream or after
shave is no good if a woman doesn’t run
her fingertips on your face after you shave.
A certain brand of cornflakes can
get your wife to have a ballerina like figure. It can also make your kids
smarter cause you know, its got iron in it.
The effectiveness of a bathing
soap has to be demonstrated by a young woman in the bathtub covered with foam.
Girls having their periods wear
white, are always happy and skip rope just because they use an oblong shaped
sanitary pad.
Mango flavoured drinks can give
orgasms.
Sportsmen perform better in the
field on drinking their favourite brand of cola.
Glucose biscuits make your kids
bright.
Girls idea of fun is riding all
day on their scooterettes and dancing at midnight with old men.
Inverters don’t need any
electricity to charge.
Using a particular brand of paint
for your house makes you the smartest person around.
Your 125cc bike makes you an
object of envy even for people who drive BMWs.
You can enhance your personality
favourably by certain brands of cola.
If you don’t clean your toilet
regularly with the recommended cleaner, a pesky guy with cameras in tow will
burst into your house and show the audience what your toilet looks like exactly
at their dinnertime.
A shampoo contains more
components than your college lab, even if it is “natural”. Be sure not be a
social outcaste by having dandruff.
Burgers look twice as big in ads
than in reality. But you must take your children to burger joints if you want
to prove that you are a responsible parent.
Whether a student’s exam goes
well or not depends on the kind of pen he uses to write them.
For your coffee to work for you,
you must drink the recommended brand daintily like the star who is endorsing
it.
Using a certain sim card can
change your life.
Bubble gum can make your kids
into adventurers.
Chewing gum can whiten your
teeth.
You cannot be a complete man or
someone important unless you wear a crafted suit.
Processed food like soup mix can make
mummy a hit with her kids. Conventional cooking sucks.
Without an adhesive bandage,
wounds can turn gangrenous.
Never drink plain milk. Be sure
to have it with health drinks, cornflakes or biscuits.
And the most important-you need a
hot woman to sell anything from houseloans, cars, pizzas, soft drinks, razors,
shaving gels, refrigerators, TVs etc etc etc.
Your self respect and stature
depends on what brands you use.
Instant gratification through
frivolous means is the ultimate aim in life.
The biggest lesson I have learnt
from ads is that I need to change the channels as they appear.
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